The Shadow of Shadow Work
A young woman confidently told me, "I've done my shadow work. I'm okay with me." When I suggested shadow work is an ongoing, lifelong process, she insisted her work was complete. Her certainty was familiar; I, too, have believed I’d finished this work, only to find myself returning to it repeatedly. The truth is that shadow work is never finished. This is the shadow of shadow work—it’s a perpetual journey.
Our shadow is the unconscious—the hidden storehouse for our repressed desires, drives, thoughts, and feelings. It’s where we stash what we don’t want to admit about ourselves. Childhood trauma, flaws, and behaviors we reject because the ego won’t accept that we might be less than perfect. That we could be envious, arrogant, or cruel. These traits are well hidden—until the right trigger brings them to the surface. Then we’re shocked, ashamed, and scrambling to justify our behavior. We convince ourselves we’ve conquered the darkness, that we’re moral, honest, and full of integrity. But the truth is, our light and dark exist together—conjoined twins. And our darkness, no matter how deeply buried, always finds a way to rise and be seen. It seeks attention, not rejection. It asks to be embraced as part of the whole.
We live in a time of blurred lines and quick fixes. Weekend workshops promise mastery. AI-generated books promise riches. And yet, no shortcut exists for shadow work. Real growth requires commitment, practice, and a willingness to confront what we’d rather ignore. There's no fast track to being human. And humanity includes the full range of emotions and behaviors. Every word and action has a consequence. Integrity means doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
True personal evolution starts with self-honesty—owning every part of ourselves, not just the likable ones. Resisting the dark makes it grow stronger. The monsters get louder the more we run. The only way forward is to stop, face them, and integrate them. This takes courage, persistence, and brutal honesty. But when we say yes to the work, we become our own light in the dark. That light, once small, grows brighter until it becomes a floodlight—and eventually, sunlight.
“But in truth the light and dark of us live as conjoined twins. ”
I Don’t Know Where to Start
If you’ve reached a point where you know you need to change, you’ve already started. Choosing to explore your darker side with compassion is a powerful act of self-love. The hardest part is often admitting we don’t like who we’ve become—and still saying yes to the journey.
Shadow work brings the rejected parts of ourselves into conscious awareness. We explore, accept, and integrate them so we can become whole and authentic. It’s personal development that requires facing parts of ourselves we’d rather deny. Is it hard? Yes. Painful? Often. Worth it? Absolutely.
Think of shadow parts as the things we can’t see in moonlight—dark, hidden, but very much there. Others can often see what we can’t.
Our shadow forms in childhood. We learn early what behaviors bring love and which bring rejection. To protect ourselves, we hide the “unacceptable” parts and continue the pattern into adulthood. Over time, this hidden darkness shapes how we live and relate to others.
The Work
We see our shadow most clearly through our reactions to others. If someone annoys you, that’s often your shadow being mirrored. Other red flags include guilt, shame, denial, addiction, self-sabotage, victimhood, blame, and emotional overreaction. The trick is recognizing these traits in ourselves.
Begin by paying attention to your words, actions, and triggers. Self-observation helps build awareness. At first, you may only realize your patterns after the fact—but reflecting on what happened is a huge step. Ask yourself:
Do I avoid speaking up for fear of judgment?
Do I feel sorry for myself or blame others?
Do I fear being alone?
Do I lie, even a little?
Once you’ve answered honestly, dig deeper: When do these feelings arise? With whom? What’s beneath the reaction? The more you explore, the more you uncover. Honest conversations with a trusted friend or therapist can help, as can using creative expression like art to gain insight.
Notice if your reactions seem out of proportion. That’s often a sign the root is in the past. Sit with your feelings, remind yourself you’re safe, and allow the emotion to move through you. Over time, this gets easier.
Journaling is another powerful tool. It helps bring the unconscious to light. Write without judgment. You’re looking for clues, not hard facts.
Inspired by Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages, try this structured approach:
Choose one behavior you struggle with. Make it your focus for a week.
Each day, handwrite 2–3 pages about how it shows up in your life—without judgment.
Don’t reread until the end of the week.
On day seven, read what you wrote and reflect. What have you learned? What surprised you? How has your perspective shifted?
Repeat the process with another behavior. Over time, you’ll see patterns, gain insight, and begin integrating what you’ve uncovered. The more you write, the more honest and healing the process becomes.
Silence is another essential tool. Spend 15 quiet minutes each morning with yourself. Let your thoughts flow. Don’t judge them. Simply notice. This stillness builds self-connection and deepens awareness. What surfaces here can become powerful material for your journal.
These are just a few ways to begin. There are many more out there—explore and find what resonates.
Why Do This Work?
You may be asking: why choose something painful and hard? It’s a fair question.
Most of us carry parts of ourselves we dislike. We tell small lies to fit in. We make choices that go against our values. We engage in self-criticism, feel powerless, or spiral into shame. These moments are all rooted in our shadow.
As children, we simply tried to make sense of our world. But the ways we learned to survive often became the foundation for our shadow. By doing this work, we gain self-awareness. We become more whole. We move from reacting like wounded children to responding as conscious adults.
A Positive Path Forward
Healing and integration are possible. While our wounds may never fully disappear, shadow work helps us embrace every part of ourselves. The result is a richer, fuller life—one where we show up as our whole, authentic selves. By committing to this journey, we become our own light in the darkness, transforming challenges into opportunities for growth and connection.
About Marion
Marion Flanary is a compassionate intuitive reader based in Spokane, Washington. She channels messages from clients' guides, offering non-judgmental insights to help individuals navigate life's complexities with ease and grace. Marion provides both in-person and phone readings, delivering clarity and practical tools for personal growth.